Pointing Fingers

The Lament of Julie Andrews

Not that I mind Gwen Stefani, but let's leave the classics alone.

Closet Encounters of the Third Kind

Of all the excuses we’ve heard of late, even going back to Bill Clinton’s, "I never had sexual relations with that woman," nothing quite beats the latest excuse from Ted Haggard the president of the National Association of Evangelicals who appears to have a propensity for crystal meth-enhanced gay sex. This latest FOK (friend of Karl) finally sheds some light on how James Guckert aka Jeff Gannon got into the White House press room. (Anything you want to tell us, Karl?)

Haggard resigned on Thursday after a Denver escort named Mike Jones claimed to have had many drug-fueled trysts with Haggard – for cash. In an interview with MSNBC, Haggard, looking as haggard as his name, sheepishly claimed that he bought crystal meth from Jones, but didn’t use it (a kind of sniffing it without actually inhaling it variation) and threw it away, resisting the temptation that had led him to the gay hooker for "only a massage" to begin with. I assure you, the only massage happening involved a penis and a prostate (with release).

From disgraced congressman, Mark Foley, to pathetic Ted Haggard (and the unfortunate wife, Gayle Haggard), the biggest problem facing religious zealots and raging homophobes, is that their own worst enemy is one of their own creation. The very closets they want gays to stay trapped in, are invariably the cause of their undoing.

Healthy, self-expressed gays and lesbians won’t be brought down by revelations as to who they are if they’re honest to begin with. Hypocrites, adulterers, liars and cheats, on the other hand...

If Jesus exists, he’s having a pretty good laugh right now.