Lynne Cheney must be praying no one drops the soap at Mary’s baby shower.
As if there isn’t enough Cheney DNA wrecking the world, Lea Anne McBride, a spokeswoman for the Vice President announced that Mary and her partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, are expecting a child.
It’s too soon to believe anything happened with this Thanksgiving’s turkey baster, but details regarding the mechanics of the spring baby and sperm donor were, naturally, withheld.
Focus on the Family, a right-wing, fanatical nuthouse that focuses on everybody else’s families voiced concern that a child reared outside the confines of a traditional mother and father nuclear set up may grow up to admitting to scoring crystal meth from dominant male hookers (as opposed to lying about it first, and only then, racing off to rehab in disgrace).
Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family withdrew from the Cure the Homo dream team helping to "rehabilitate" disgraced Pastor, Ted Haggard, claiming he was too busy. Saving marriage for Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock (who married each other three times, but only divorced once).
Of course, assuming a healthy term, little Cheney Poo Poe will have to grow up in a home where the tangible benefits of marriage that his or her five cousins take for granted are only afforded to children born of parents whose superior sexual orientation better equips them to raise children, such as Britney Spears or Michael Jackson.
Things like inheritence, immigration and guardianship will have to be lawyered to death, because no matter how you cut it, here comes the bastard baby of the lesbian daughter of the Vice President of the United States. That's v-a-l-u-e-s for the spelling-impaired.
And when the time comes, and little Cheney Hawk wants to serve in the military to show that, unlike Mom & Mom and Gramps, chicken-hawkishness is not hereditary, even though orientation might be, problems will arise, no matter how well educated he or she is.
But by that time -- Cheneys will be Cheneys -- the young hypocrite will have figured out a way to benefit financially from the military anyway. And in the footsteps of Grandma, write a titillating book about gay military fantasies, titled Brothers, that will sell enough copies to tuck away a lovely nest egg for a future in politics, where the book will be sanitized or denounced at the cost of Hypocrite Cheney’s own children.
Things are dirty here. Please, someone, pick up that soap.
